all is fair in -

I don’t know what I was expecting. I was expecting to react differently.

I’ve been strange lately. Ever since my last week in England.. my reactions have been off. As if they’re just going to come a bit later… and when they do - it’ll be much worse than had they happened when they first intended.

I told myself not to feel sad, and I succeded. When I begun to feel sad.. I simply thought of something else.

When I remember England, or when I begin to feel blue from missing it.. I just - change the subject. A very worn-out defensive mechanism I’ve been using since birth; Ignoring my problems.

I know what they say — you can’t just, “sweep it under the rug”

But what if.. I just forget about it? What if I grow so accustomed to the pile up of dirt under the rug that.. it eventually forms a small mound that I can rest upon? What if the pile up turns out to be a good thing, something that I really benefitted from ?

In other words - what if my problems never come back to bite me ?

Right. That would be ideal.