remix that’ll make ya head swell
2 weeks of not eating properly has started to take its toll on me. I feel weak. I want to sleep all day. There’s a constant pain in my stomach, that I confuse for sickness.
Went out last night. I’m going to try and remember what I drank….
2 glass wine
2 shot sambuca
2 WKD
4 shot sambuca
1 stella
1 shot sambuca
That’s in order by time of drink.
Please keep in mind that I go out drinking MAYBE once every 3 months. It’s really not my scene.
I don’t think I’m hungover, I think I’m feeling how I’ve felt for the past two weeks.
I am wearing a really old pair of jeans. They’ve got ink stains all over them from days in the print room at college, rips, tears & the bottoms are frayed from dragging on the floor from my intial bout of weightloss, when I first moved out here.
I went into town, came home - and procedded to sleep. Again. I left for town at 3 and came back at 4 after having spent the entire day in bed. My hands are trembling. This must be from lack of food.
I have another day off tomorrow. I don’t know how my mental health is going to take that. Maybe I’ll sit at the park and read a book. I do want to pick up some new work clothes.. and perhaps go and see my family. Yes, seeing my family will take my mind of things most certainly.
I’m excited to start school and have that constant companionship…having people just down the hall — always having something to do. That’s what I miss. Here, a day off - is a day off from the world. All of my friends have full time jobs, or are in school full-time so their level of responsibility transpires over into their home life. Time is scarce in this country. People take themselves too seriously, I guess. No letting loose!
I’m not exicted about the plane ride, or the goodbyes. I hate goodbyes and I hate tears.
But unfortunately, those are two things that I have become very familiar with in my 19 years.
The end of summer was always a time of sadness. Crying in your bed at night before you go to sleep, because you don’t have those 7 other girls to whisper to anymore…. Not having your breakfast ready made for you at promptly 8:15 the next morning. Not having a schedule, having to figure your own day out. That’s been the hardest thing for me. Managing my time. That’s probably where I went wrong.
I put all my energy, more than just my energy — into one person. I cut out all the rest for the majority — and what have I got now? A far from plutonic relationship that’s teased with arguments on an every-other-day basis?
She said it’s all gonna end and it might as well be my fault.